[Slow Ben]

Sitting in the damn emergency room waiting to get stitches.

Taking out an old porcelain toilet that I didn't know was cracked. Looked down and thought, huh, there's blood on that toilet. And my glove feels kinda squishy.

[Andorion]

Had a crappy day.

Had to wait 2 and half hours for someone who was critically late. If I had been late for even a fraction of that time, I would have been toast. She coasts in and coasts out due to astronomical seniority.

Thought I was done with a certain stage of work and could move on to the next part. But nope. Apparently I was not fully informed and I still have lots to do.

Then I had to work with people who simply had no clue what they were doing.


Does anyone need some alone time at the end of the day where any type of conversation is like a disturbance?

[Mezla PigDog]

 Andorion, on 18 May 2016 - 05:48 PM, said:

Does anyone need some alone time at the end of the day where any type of conversation is like a disturbance?

After particularly stressful days yes. And a lot more often when I was younger and my stress tolerance was lower.

[Arthur Dayne]

 Macros, on 18 May 2016 - 06:39 AM, said:

What's messing with my groove? The cost of public transport in England is simply fucking ridiculous. I can get from Bratislava to Budapest for a tenner but to get from one london airport to another costs me £40.
Go fuck yourselves british rail.

Bratislava... Is good you come in Summer. In Winter... is VERY depressing. Miami VICE! #1 New show!

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This post has been edited by Arthur Dayne: 18 May 2016 - 06:47 PM

[Gust Hubb]

Just can't shake feeling low this week. Miss my boys, feel impoverished, and just not all that optimistic of the near future.

[Mentalist]

great footy practice tonight- 2.5 hours outdoors, by the time everyone showed up we had a nice 7 on 7 going.

why the groove -thread? blisters. brutal blisters.

Since I'm starting new season in a few weeks (2 full-time outdoor teams; 1 full time indoor team + 1 indoor part-time), I'll have to make sure to get new cleats.

[Mentalist]

One of my most frequented sites no longer opens properly on my phone. Arg.

I suspect I may need to update m OS, but in any case, I'm annoyed.

[Arthur Dayne]

 Gust Hubb, on 19 May 2016 - 12:43 AM, said:

Just can't shake feeling low this week. Miss my boys, feel impoverished, and just not all that optimistic of the near future.

My ex moved to Washington State to be with the guy she left me for. She took my son with her when he was 5. I took on 2 vehicle payments, $32k of debt from getting out of the military (read as 2nd mortgage since they set the payment window to 3 years...), 3 credit cards, a mortgage on a house that was extremely upside down in 2009, and no job. It took me 4 YEARS, but now I am debt free, paid off both vehicles, still own my home (it's being rented), got remarried and i'm finally going back to school. My ex and I have a decent relationship now which lets me see my son more often as well. I was very low for a long time (like Hood's hoary butthole low) but I have faith that you'll bounce back and be stronger for your trouble. You have a good job, still live close to your kids, and have a bright future ahead of you GH. Keep your head up. You'll get there. Just give it the time that it needs and if you need help you know people are here to encourage you through the tough days. They did for me back when I first joined this site. I still look up to them for that (too many names to name atm...)

This post has been edited by Arthur Dayne: 19 May 2016 - 03:09 PM

[Gust Hubb]

 Arthur Dayne, on 19 May 2016 - 03:07 PM, said:

 Gust Hubb, on 19 May 2016 - 12:43 AM, said:

Just can't shake feeling low this week. Miss my boys, feel impoverished, and just not all that optimistic of the near future.

My ex moved to Washington State to be with the guy she left me for. She took my son with her when he was 5. I took on 2 vehicle payments, $32k of debt from getting out of the military (read as 2nd mortgage since they set the payment window to 3 years...), 3 credit cards, a mortgage on a house that was extremely upside down in 2009, and no job. It took me 4 YEARS, but now I am debt free, paid off both vehicles, still own my home (it's being rented), got remarried and i'm finally going back to school. My ex and I have a decent relationship now which lets me see my son more often as well. I was very low for a long time (like Hood's hoary butthole low) but I have faith that you'll bounce back and be stronger for your trouble. You have a good job, still live close to your kids, and have a bright future ahead of you GH. Keep your head up. You'll get there. Just give it the time that it needs and if you need help you know people are here to encourage you through the tough days. They did for me back when I first joined this site. I still look up to them for that (too many names to name atm...)

That's awful. I don't think I could handle that. I just want life to stop throwing curve balls. It's like you can never plan for the future, money always disappears in a flash and these days if I can plan a week or two in advance it is a goddamn miracle.

Thanks man.

[worry]

A panel of my backyard fence fell down. This seems to happen every year or two lately, a different panel of the same fence, when the wind gets nasty. It's not the hardest thing to fix, but each time it gives me one of these moments:

[Lady Bliss]

I have to spend all day on stupid planes. At least I only just started Fall of Light...

[Lady Bliss]

 Lady Bliss, on 20 May 2016 - 03:29 PM, said:

I have to spend all day on stupid planes. At least I only just started Fall of Light...

Aaand delayed 2 hours in Detroit.

[Puck]

I'm having a really bad night, and nowhere else to go to talk, so I'm just going to hide most of this post. Just ignore it.

Spoiler

So I've had two therapists tell me I'm depressed, and neither did jackshit to help. Sure, there was some kind of weekly therapy talk, and I kept telling myself it's doing something, but I think it's slowly dawning on me that none of it was/is doing anything for me so far. I'm feeling just as useless or even more so. I'm trying to fight the thought that I completely wasted my life pretending I have some kind of talent or passion or whatever. I'm so useless, both at art and life. And at the same time, I just can't wrap my mind around the idea of not trying to draw or paint. It's like I'm trying to pilot a plane without both having hands and knowing anything about how to even start it up, all while being absolutely convinced that there's no point in even trying to be alive if I can't manage that. I keep telling everyone that I can do it, but actually I think I'm just lying to myself. Naturally, that's been affecting me more and more, so now, whether I want it to or not, I actually cannot do anything anymore. It's like the time has come to acknowledge to myself that 'See, you've just been deluding yourself and everyone was just playing along for a good laugh'.

That's just so stupid, but I've been crying and shaking and unable to sleep all night and I've tried to talk about it but figured I shouldn't at the last minute, so yeah, if I don't even feel like my therapist is taking me seriously, how should anyone else..

So yeah, I needed to get that out. No idea what to do..

[Andorion]

 Puck, on 21 May 2016 - 03:27 AM, said:

I'm having a really bad night, and nowhere else to go to talk, so I'm just going to hide most of this post. Just ignore it.

Spoiler

So I've had two therapists tell me I'm depressed, and neither did jackshit to help. Sure, there was some kind of weekly therapy talk, and I kept telling myself it's doing something, but I think it's slowly dawning on me that none of it was/is doing anything for me so far. I'm feeling just as useless or even more so. I'm trying to fight the thought that I completely wasted my life pretending I have some kind of talent or passion or whatever. I'm so useless, both at art and life. And at the same time, I just can't wrap my mind around the idea of not trying to draw or paint. It's like I'm trying to pilot a plane without both having hands and knowing anything about how to even start it up, all while being absolutely convinced that there's no point in even trying to be alive if I can't manage that. I keep telling everyone that I can do it, but actually I think I'm just lying to myself. Naturally, that's been affecting me more and more, so now, whether I want it to or not, I actually cannot do anything anymore. It's like the time has come to acknowledge to myself that 'See, you've just been deluding yourself and everyone was just playing along for a good laugh'.

That's just so stupid, but I've been crying and shaking and unable to sleep all night and I've tried to talk about it but figured I shouldn't at the last minute, so yeah, if I don't even feel like my therapist is taking me seriously, how should anyone else..

So yeah, I needed to get that out. No idea what to do..

OK Puck here is my take

First, never ever doubt your art. I have been seeing your art for almost a year now, and I know I speak for both myself and Egwene as well as many many users of the Wikia who love it. You are an extremely talented, extremely creative person.

Secondly, with a depression diagnosis, is therapy alone enough? Is there also need for medication? Also isn't therapy dependent on the therapist? In my experience psychiatric diagnoses and treatment can be very inconsistent. I know of somebody who bounced off at least 5 doctors before getting the correct diagnoses and treatment. So don't stop trying.

Third, we are always here for you. Come and vent, talk, cry, as you feel, as you like. Feel free to PM me if necessary. I know its really dark now, like there is nothing solid you can hold onto, but things get better. Against logic, against evident reality, things get better. What seems so dark now, may seem a little greyer. Or it will remain as dark, but you will find you can face it and walk through it.

Please, if your doctors are not working out, change them. Mind and mental peace are the most precious things a person can have, Never give up.

[amphibian]

Exactly what Andorion said. Puck, know it's extremely tough, but you can do this and you can find a doctor that works with and for you in dealing with this.

[Mezla PigDog]

Hey Puck, I have a friend who has been suffering from depression for quite some time and after trying various things she has recently got a good grip on it via medication and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Over the years she has been recommended to different therapists and tried various talking therapies but CBT has worked and helps to focus on the now rather than big abstract thoughts of hopelessness. She admits that she feels like a whiney loser a lot of the time during talking therapy but if she surrenders to it and takes it and herself seriously she gets more out of it.

It's a big ask to be proactive about your treatment when you are depressed because you feel the exact opposite emotions that you need for pushing something through but maybe start with a bit of non-commital internet research into various types of talking therapies and then discuss them at your next appointment. It might take a few attempts before you find a therapist that is the right fit and you need to give each one a bit of time - it's not surprising when it is a personality driven issue and treatment. It takes the right environment and time for you and a therapist to articulate the true nature of the problem and then figure out how to move forward.

[Tiste Simeon]

 Puck, on 21 May 2016 - 03:27 AM, said:

I'm having a really bad night, and nowhere else to go to talk, so I'm just going to hide most of this post. Just ignore it.

Spoiler

So I've had two therapists tell me I'm depressed, and neither did jackshit to help. Sure, there was some kind of weekly therapy talk, and I kept telling myself it's doing something, but I think it's slowly dawning on me that none of it was/is doing anything for me so far. I'm feeling just as useless or even more so. I'm trying to fight the thought that I completely wasted my life pretending I have some kind of talent or passion or whatever. I'm so useless, both at art and life. And at the same time, I just can't wrap my mind around the idea of not trying to draw or paint. It's like I'm trying to pilot a plane without both having hands and knowing anything about how to even start it up, all while being absolutely convinced that there's no point in even trying to be alive if I can't manage that. I keep telling everyone that I can do it, but actually I think I'm just lying to myself. Naturally, that's been affecting me more and more, so now, whether I want it to or not, I actually cannot do anything anymore. It's like the time has come to acknowledge to myself that 'See, you've just been deluding yourself and everyone was just playing along for a good laugh'.

That's just so stupid, but I've been crying and shaking and unable to sleep all night and I've tried to talk about it but figured I shouldn't at the last minute, so yeah, if I don't even feel like my therapist is taking me seriously, how should anyone else..

So yeah, I needed to get that out. No idea what to do..

I don't really have much to say but that we're here for you. I know it's not quite the same as having a good chat and a cry (if needed) face to face but if you need to PM a vent or whatever I'm here.

I know you IRL. You're pretty awesome, no matter what else is going on.

[Puck]

Thanks everyone. I thought I could get by without medication or something, but together with not feeling too sure about my therapist's approach that was not a good idea, I guess. By daylight, things do look slightly better, but I really have to thank you people for your support. It may sound strange, but just posting here when it gets really bad actually helps to get it off my mind for the moment.

On the up side, things are going better with my mother, so with her knowing everyone and their dog in the area, I may even be able to find a new therapist without having to fight my anxiety all the way. I know this is going to be a looong process, so again thanks for all the support!

[Egwene]

Puck - I am a huge fan of your work. Andorion's comments were based on having received many a 'have you see Puck's latest amazing work' PMs. You are easily one of the most talented artists we have on the Wiki.

Have you considered that maybe there are things which have made you tired in the past, maybe leading to low energy levels which then, as a consequence, made you feel low overall, leading to doubt your abilities etc., leading to an ever downward going spiral.

Before you try medication with all its potential side effects... analyse your lifestyle. If you don't already - try going to bed at a regular, reasonable time, don't be on the computer in the hours before if you can avoid it, eat more fruit and veg and get a bit of fresh air during the day. You may find that you have more energy and feel much more on top of things which is likely to make you feel better about everything. Just give it a try for a week and see if it makes a difference. A friend of mine had depression and she feels that getting better was due to therapy and medication - myself I think it was because she changed jobs, moved house and stopped spending all night on the computer. From what I have seen in live, most cases of depression go back to real physical causes and people's lifestyles. Taking medication treats the symptoms of depression - if you can find what led to your depression in the first place, you may be able to make enough changes to get rid of those symptoms by default.

Of course, having a minor type of depression about once a month is very normal for most women as part of their period. If you are feeling very depressed, ask yourself if it is that time of the month and whether it might be intensifying the misery. If so, then you know at least the root cause for the extra severity of the low feelings and that these are temporary.

Hope you will feel better soon *hug*

[Lady Bliss]

 Puck, on 21 May 2016 - 04:08 PM, said:

Thanks everyone. I thought I could get by without medication or something, but together with not feeling too sure about my therapist's approach that was not a good idea, I guess. By daylight, things do look slightly better, but I really have to thank you people for your support. It may sound strange, but just posting here when it gets really bad actually helps to get it off my mind for the moment.

On the up side, things are going better with my mother, so with her knowing everyone and their dog in the area, I may even be able to find a new therapist without having to fight my anxiety all the way. I know this is going to be a looong process, so again thanks for all the support!

Love you Puck!!! I understand about depression, and you shouldn't feel bad about having to take something short or long term so long as you are happy again.
You are so talented with your art! Please, PLEASE don't give up!!