Help
A Morgan Freeman outgoing message would be awesome. I think I would want Christopher Lee in his best Dooku/Saruman voice.
Whats making you happy right now
#8541
McLovin 
- Cutlery Enthusiast
-
- Group: Malaz Regular
- Posts: 2,828
- Joined: 19-March 04
- Location:Dallas, Texas, USA
- Interests:Knives. Stabbing. Stabbing with knives.
Posted 14 August 2012 - 02:46 PM
OK, I think I got it, but just in case, can you say the whole thing over again? I wasn't really listening.
#8543
King Lear
- Une belle quelquesomething sans merci
-
- Group: Mott Irregulars
- Posts: 678
- Joined: 01-October 09
Posted 15 August 2012 - 03:31 AM
Officially became a citizen of New Zealand as of last night 
Aside from the guy in a south african rugby jersey (You're being accepted into another country and you wear something at the semi-formal-dress-code ceremony designed to be a slap in the face? It's not though you're not spottable as South African walking past you on the street. Way to integrate, you fuckwit) I ended up really enjoying the ceremony, and we went out for drinks after and it was all round a great night.
Also, Kiwi's you're stuck with me now!
Muhahahahahahahahaha!
Aside from the guy in a south african rugby jersey (You're being accepted into another country and you wear something at the semi-formal-dress-code ceremony designed to be a slap in the face? It's not though you're not spottable as South African walking past you on the street. Way to integrate, you fuckwit) I ended up really enjoying the ceremony, and we went out for drinks after and it was all round a great night.
Also, Kiwi's you're stuck with me now!
Muhahahahahahahahaha!
*Men's Frights Activist*
#8544
Macros
- D'ivers Fuckwits
-
- Group: High House Mafia
- Posts: 9,163
- Joined: 28-January 08
- Location:Ulster, disputed zone, British Empire.
Posted 15 August 2012 - 10:50 AM
i assumed you were a NZer, colour me surprised please.
2012
"Imperial Gothos, Imperial"
"Imperial Gothos, Imperial"
#8546
pathos
- Captain
-
- Group: Kings of Drink
- Posts: 153
- Joined: 22-June 09
- Location:Pretoria
Posted 15 August 2012 - 11:42 AM
worrywort, on 15 August 2012 - 10:55 AM, said:
She couldn't even legally put a "u" in color until today.
Not true
South Africa spells colour with a u... as you can see 
You never have the same problem twice when you set it on fire
#8547
Grimjust Bearegular
- Irregular Bacon Berserker Medic of the Abyssmal Army
-
- Group: Malazan Artist
- Posts: 1,638
- Joined: 20-July 06
- Location:Vault 101
- Interests:MAFIA, drawing and writing.
-
Godless killing machine - and proud of it!
Also, braaaaiiiinnnnzzzzzzzz!
Posted 15 August 2012 - 02:49 PM
Forge of Darkness just arrived in the mail!!!
Also, I´ve met my first forumite. Corporal Nobbs came to Oslo for a few days, and me and Mr Awesome served him a traditional Norwegian dinner consisting of moose and mead. Good times were had by all!
We also saw The Dark Knight Rises, which was awesome, and went around the city looking at stuff.
Also, I´ve met my first forumite. Corporal Nobbs came to Oslo for a few days, and me and Mr Awesome served him a traditional Norwegian dinner consisting of moose and mead. Good times were had by all!
We also saw The Dark Knight Rises, which was awesome, and went around the city looking at stuff.
Things and stuffs...and other important objects.
#8548
QuickTidal
- Lord of the Kicks
-
- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 22,133
- Joined: 05-November 05
- Location:Victoria Peak
- Interests:DoubleStamping. Movies. Reading.
Posted 15 August 2012 - 03:42 PM
My Film Festival choice list (with the majority of the programmes I usually attend films from having been announced) is full enough now that I will be able to make my twenty picks (ten of which I will get as tickets, ten of which were alternates in case the first picks didn't work out) and I'm prepared for the schedule to drop next Tuesday.
I'm really happy by a lot of the films at the Fest this year that I will have a chance to see!
I'm really happy by a lot of the films at the Fest this year that I will have a chance to see!
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
#8549
Adjutant Stormy~
- Captain, Team Quick Ben
-
- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 1,344
- Joined: 24-January 08
Posted 15 August 2012 - 08:09 PM
Found out my computer's miraculously still under warranty until the end of the month.
<!--quoteo(post=462161:date=Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM:name=Aptorian)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Aptorian @ Nov 1 2008, 06:13 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=462161"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->God damn. Mighty drunk. Must ... what is the english movement movement movement for drunk... with out you seemimg drunk?
bla bla bla
Peopleare harrasing me... grrrrrh.
Also people with big noses aren't jews, they're just french
EDIT: We has editted so mucj that5 we're not quite sure... also, leave britney alone.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
bla bla bla
Peopleare harrasing me... grrrrrh.
Also people with big noses aren't jews, they're just french
EDIT: We has editted so mucj that5 we're not quite sure... also, leave britney alone.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->
#8550
Loki
- Knight Commander of Team Quick Ben
-
- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 1,483
- Joined: 16-September 02
- Location:Alpha Quadrant
- WWQBDFTW?
Posted 16 August 2012 - 03:25 PM
Had lunch with a friend the other day and she was wearing Tetris leggings. Ever since it was bugging me as to where I'd seen them before and I just remembered!!!
The world needs more country/gamer songs!
The world needs more country/gamer songs!
Wry, on 29 February 2012 - 10:50 AM, said:
And you're not complaining, you're criticizing. It's a side-effect of being better than everyone else, I get it sometimes too.
~TQB~
#8551
Dutch
- Bridgeburner
-
- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 371
- Joined: 19-October 08
- Location:The Netherlands
- Interests:Malazan Book of the Fallen, American Football, Quick Ben
Posted 16 August 2012 - 06:33 PM
The Mist of Pandaria opening cinematic is making me very happy.
From 2.24 I kept laughing until almost the end of the movie.
From 2.24 I kept laughing until almost the end of the movie.
Sappers have a saying, he muttered. "Wide eyed stupid"
#8552
QuickTidal
- Lord of the Kicks
-
- Group: Team Quick Ben
- Posts: 22,133
- Joined: 05-November 05
- Location:Victoria Peak
- Interests:DoubleStamping. Movies. Reading.
Posted 16 August 2012 - 06:43 PM
Dutch, on 16 August 2012 - 06:33 PM, said:
The Mist of Pandaria opening cinematic is making me very happy.
From 2.24 I kept laughing until almost the end of the movie.
From 2.24 I kept laughing until almost the end of the movie.
What I like about this is that all the other expansions for WoW have seemingly been in the medieval fantasy vein...and the eastern flavour of this makes it a breath of fresh air, one would hope the expansion itself is up the the idea behind it.
"When the last tree has fallen, and the rivers are poisoned, you cannot eat money, oh no." ~Aurora
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
"Someone will always try to sell you despair, just so they don't feel alone." ~Ursula Vernon
#8553
Illuyankas
- Retro Classic
-
- Group: The Hateocracy of Truth
- Posts: 7,254
- Joined: 28-September 04
- Will cluck you up
Posted 16 August 2012 - 07:16 PM
Yeah, maybe it'll reverse the general trend of people leaving WoW an
Oh.
Ohhhhhh.
(I'm enjoying Blizzard releasing their big MoP patch for August 28th, aka Guild Wars 2 release date, so we'll see what goes wrong for whom even if it's Arenanet)
Oh.
Ohhhhhh.
(I'm enjoying Blizzard releasing their big MoP patch for August 28th, aka Guild Wars 2 release date, so we'll see what goes wrong for whom even if it's Arenanet)
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
#8554
Tiste Simeon
- Faith, Heavy Metal & Bacon
-
- Group: Malaz Regular
- Posts: 12,450
- Joined: 08-October 04
- Location:T'North
Posted 17 August 2012 - 10:26 AM
Apparently some people are trolling taxi companies & a bunch of them are turning up at the Ecuadorian Embassy to collect Mr Assange! Oh you silly pranksters... :-D
A Haunting Poem
I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
For I Scream.
I Scream
You Scream
We all Scream
For I Scream.
#8556
Ain't_It_Just_
- The Recidivist
-
- Group: LHTEC
- Posts: 2,371
- Joined: 17-January 08
- Location:Oz
- Interests:Dungeons and Dragons, and the odd caramel slice.
- The AIJman cometh
Posted 18 August 2012 - 02:46 AM
Had a lovely dinner birthday party last night, made a nice change from going to a club or someone's house. Also devoured a steak roughly the size of Gondwanaland, so I'm feeling mighty fed. 
And this bloody Commercial Law assignment is nearly done...time for the killer blow!
And this bloody Commercial Law assignment is nearly done...time for the killer blow!
Suck it Errant!
"It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum...and I'm all out of gum."
QUOTE (KeithF @ Jun 30 2009, 09:49 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt that the most powerful force on Wu is a bunch of messed-up Malazans with Moranth munitions.
#8558
Illuyankas
- Retro Classic
-
- Group: The Hateocracy of Truth
- Posts: 7,254
- Joined: 28-September 04
- Will cluck you up
Posted 20 August 2012 - 02:33 AM
Behold the glories of Garfield: First Blood Part II: Forever Fist
If for some reason Erikson is unable to continue writing I vote this guy to do a Sanderson and finish off the trilogies.
Quote
It was a bright morning full of rain and sun when Natalie Portman was doing her acting.
"These are my words and my motions are full of emotion." Said Natalie Portman with acting.
"Excellence! This is Oscar winning performance!" Said the director with compliments.
"Thank you I am four star actress." Said Natalie Portman with thanks.
Then all of a sudden out of mist Ashton Kutcher appeared with sinister plans.
"Haha Natalie Portman you will star in me with movies and be forever mine! Then I will have immortality!" Cackled Ashton Kutcher with evil.
"No Ashton Kutcher I will not give in to your evil." Cried out Natalie Portman in defiance.
"Haha You have no say in this! You are my prisoner! Behold force field!" Said Ashton Kutcher as he summoned a force field prison to capture Natalie Portman.
"Now to my studio lair where we will star in movies together!" Declared Ashton Kutcher with evil as he left with imprisoned Natalie Portman.
Meanwhile Garfield was riding alone on all American highway on his Custom Harley Davidson motorcycle rockin out to DIO turned up to maximum volume.
"Time to train the muscles." Said Garfield as he pulled into a gym for training.
Garfield went to the punching bag for punching practice. It was punching bag made of diamond and steel so it can take his super punches which are like force of nature.
"I am fist. Mighty with speed." Garfield said as he punched the punching bag.
As Garfield practiced his punches news reports came on the TV.
"This just in. Ashton Kutcher has tweeted he has kidnapped Natalie Portman for evil movies. If only a hero was man enough to save her." Said the news man with reporting.
"INDIGNITIES." Roared Garfield as he punched the punching bag in half with ease at the anger of the reporting.
Garfield waltzed out of gym in quest to rescue Natalie Portman with his manly power. Outside of gym Garfield was confronted with thugs.
"Haha Garfield we were sent by Ashton Kutcher to be putting stop to you. Now is the time for endings!" Said the thugs with arrogant laughs.
"The only thing being stopped is your life! Eat fist!" Roared Garfield with anger.
The thugs then attacked Garfield with foolishness. One thug swung a chain at him the other hit him with a baseball bat, but it was no use. They bounced off Garfields muscles like rubber ball on a donkey.
"WHAT?" Cried out the thugs in shocking disbelief.
"My turn miscreants." Said Garfield has he lifted one thug above his head.
"Time to make a wish." Said Garfield as he snapped the thug in two.
After the thug snapping, Garfield turned to other thug with vengeance.
"Garfield please spare my life I am poor starving man." Said the thug with begging.
"Starve on my fist." Said Garfield as he punched the thugs stomach out.
Garfield then hopped on his Custom Harley Davidson motorcycle and revved the engines to rescue the Natalie Portman.
"Ashton Kutcher I hope your heart is in good health because I am going to rip it out of your chest." Garfield said as he put his shades on and rode off for rescue.
As Garfield rode, a Tractor Trailer truck filled with lasagna drove beside him.
"Lasagna feed my body and soul. Give me strength to rescue ladies in danger." Garfield said as he looked to the truck.
Lasagna burst out of truck to feed Garfield and entered his mouth for eating, filling Garfields muscular body with power and energy.
"Thank you Lasagna you are now part of me." Garfield said with gratitude to lasagna.
In the distance Garfield spotted trouble. It was a tank filled with vile minions of Ashton Kutcher.
"Behold Garfield our beast of iron and metal. You ride ends here Garfield for we are righteous." Said the tank commander with taunts.
At villains petty taunts Garfield laughed with scoffing. He turned on his DIO beyond maximum volume and glared at foolish tank with fiery eyes.
"Rust in peace, iron beast." Garfield said to the tank as he rode right through the tank at laser speed splitting it in half.
Meanwhile in Ashton Kutchers demon lair evil was brewing in hearts of men. Ashton Kutcher was sitting on his throne dressed like wicked sultan while Natalie Portman was chained to the wall.
"Haha Natalie Portman you are mine on this midnight hour. All of your hope should be abandoned for I am your new master!" Cackled Ashton Kutcher with evil.
"No Garfield will save me for he is true hero of man." Natalie Portman said with hope.
"Hoho not even Garfields manliness can save you now. We will star in movies and makes eons of money." Declared Ashton Kutcher with maniac laughing.
"Garfield please come I need you." Natalie Portman said with longing.
Meanwhile Garfield was riding the lonely road of the hero with hair blowing through wind like wet lasagna in a fan. In the distance Garfield saw Ashton Kutchers palace of pain and evil. It was on Island surrounded by lava and crocodiles. There seemed no way but Garfield never gives up never surrenders.
"Time to do the sky bird." Garfield declared as he pulled out his lasagna glider and glided to island of Ashton Kutcher.
Garfield crashed into room full of Ashton Kutchers loyal guards who would fight in his name to the deaths, but Garfield was not afraid.
"I heard there was party so I stopped by. Do not worry I am polite guest here are some presents." Quipped Garfield a she took out his Desert Eagles and fired at guard scum.
"My goody bag will be your beating heart Ashton Kutcher!" Garfield shouted with adrenaline pumping.
Garfield searched Ashton Kutchers palace mowing down guards wherever he saw with no mercy. He then came upon doors to Ashton Kutchers throne room but it was sealed with evil power and locks. But Garfield blew it open with ease like big bad wolf blowing down straw houses.
"I am here for the Natalie Portman and for your head on stick." Garfield roared upon entering Ashton Kutchers throne room.
Inside room Garfield saw Natalie Portman chained in imprisonment and Ashton Kutcher sitting on throne.
"Haha Garfield I have been waiting for you. Not even you can be stopping me now." Ashton Kutcher cackled with evil.
"Silence you sultan of sin. Your time is ending near!" Garfield responded with angry vocals.
"Garfield I had enough of your words. Time for fiery doom! Meet the dragon!" Ashton Kutcher said as he whistled for his dragon. At Ashton Kutchers whistling a four headed dragon appeared with fire breathing and roars.
"Enjoy your just deserts!" Ashton Kutcher cackled as he fled like little girl.
"Haha Garfield! I am hoping you brought your bib because I am going to be smoking you like a ham!" Growled the evil four headed dragon.
"I have no time for dragon distraction." Fumed Garfield with frustration.
All hope seemed to be in fire but then familiar voice was heard by all.
"AMAKOOOOO."
It was Jon Arbuckle flying in on jet pack rearing for fighting!
"Do not worry I will take care of this lizard you must go after Ashton Kutcher." Said Jon Arbuckle with support.
"Thank you Jon Arbuckle you are my jet pack backup." Garfield said with gratitude.
Garfield went after Ashton Kutcher as Jon Arbuckle battled dragon with mystic blade.
"Ok dragon boy let's do this." Jon Arbuckle said as he drew his mystic katana.
Meanwhile Garfield was chasing down Ashton Kutcher with justice on mind and in fist. He finally cornered Ashton Kutcher against wall.
"You are at the end of your highway and it is time to pay the toll man." Said Garfield with eyes glaring.
"Haha Garfield it is too late. Natalie Portman soul is mine and my life will be immortal!" Ashton Kutcher declared with vile grin.
"Fool your life is short, but my fist is FOREVER." Garfield roared as he charged inner power to max and sent fists flying at Ashton Kutcher at earthquake speed making him supernova.
"NOOOO." Cried out Ashton Kutcher as he supernovad.
"Your career just exploded." Quipped Garfield with cleverness.
"Thank you Garfield you saved me again." Thanked Natalie Portman with joyful words.
"No problem honeybabes. I can not stand seeing ladies kidnapped." Garfield said as he helped Natalie Portman up.
"Good work Garfield. You saved day again." Said approaching voice. It was Jon Arbuckle! He was holding dragons heads in his hands.
"Yes Jon Arbuckle I think it is time for celebration." Said Garfield in response.
"Yes Garfield we should perform our hit new song for Natalie Portmans music enjoyment." Jon Arbuckle suggested with good ideas as he took out his electric guitar for jamming.
"Yes here is our new song "Lover and Fighter Man." From album of same name. Old people with diseases should beware of dangerous rocking." Said Garfield as he took out his mic ready for rocking.
Jon Arbuckle began powerful chords of playing while Garfield began to sing with mighty rocking voice:
"I am real man hard like steel
Always hungry for lasagna meal
Busting heads winning every fight
Need to see you naked tonight
I am a Lover and Fighter man
Not a loser and crier man
Baby, Bake me egg in a friar pan
Because I am a lover and fighter man
Every day I am punching and kicking
When I come home I want you for licking
Stupid thugs their heads I crack
But you I want to rub my back
I am a Lover and Fighter Man
Not a loser and crier man
I want to spank you until you tan
Because I am a lover and fighter man"
Jon Arbuckle then began shredding like madman with guitar solo.
"AMAKOOOOOOO." Shouted Jon Arbuckle as flames and lightning burst out of his guitar. After amazing guitar solo Garfield began to sing again:
"I am the champ in the ring
In the bedroom I am king
Bashing villains until they groan
Loving ladies until they moan
I am a lover and fighter man
Not a loser and Crier man
I will make you fly like Peter Pan
Because I am a lover and fighter man"
Natalie Portman screamed and clapped in excitement at the rocking concert. She ran to Garfield with love in her eyes.
"Garfield you are rock star stud muffin. But now I want you to play me like an electric guitar and make me wail." Natalie Portman said with desire.
"Sure thing sugarbites. I have a concert in my pants and you have first row tickets." Garfield said with flirty words.
"Let us go on stage and make music." Said Natalie Portman as she led Garfield to her bedroom.
Garfield and Natalie Portman went on her bed and embraced for love makings. They rubbed eachother with oil and perfume and touched eachother all over. Their bodies then joined like peanut butter and jelly and created delicious loving all night long.
The End..?
Authors Note: Congratulations to Natalie Portman for her pregnancies! Please beware and do not let Ashton Kutcher kidnap your babies. Also I am still single so it is still ok if you would like to date me
"These are my words and my motions are full of emotion." Said Natalie Portman with acting.
"Excellence! This is Oscar winning performance!" Said the director with compliments.
"Thank you I am four star actress." Said Natalie Portman with thanks.
Then all of a sudden out of mist Ashton Kutcher appeared with sinister plans.
"Haha Natalie Portman you will star in me with movies and be forever mine! Then I will have immortality!" Cackled Ashton Kutcher with evil.
"No Ashton Kutcher I will not give in to your evil." Cried out Natalie Portman in defiance.
"Haha You have no say in this! You are my prisoner! Behold force field!" Said Ashton Kutcher as he summoned a force field prison to capture Natalie Portman.
"Now to my studio lair where we will star in movies together!" Declared Ashton Kutcher with evil as he left with imprisoned Natalie Portman.
Meanwhile Garfield was riding alone on all American highway on his Custom Harley Davidson motorcycle rockin out to DIO turned up to maximum volume.
"Time to train the muscles." Said Garfield as he pulled into a gym for training.
Garfield went to the punching bag for punching practice. It was punching bag made of diamond and steel so it can take his super punches which are like force of nature.
"I am fist. Mighty with speed." Garfield said as he punched the punching bag.
As Garfield practiced his punches news reports came on the TV.
"This just in. Ashton Kutcher has tweeted he has kidnapped Natalie Portman for evil movies. If only a hero was man enough to save her." Said the news man with reporting.
"INDIGNITIES." Roared Garfield as he punched the punching bag in half with ease at the anger of the reporting.
Garfield waltzed out of gym in quest to rescue Natalie Portman with his manly power. Outside of gym Garfield was confronted with thugs.
"Haha Garfield we were sent by Ashton Kutcher to be putting stop to you. Now is the time for endings!" Said the thugs with arrogant laughs.
"The only thing being stopped is your life! Eat fist!" Roared Garfield with anger.
The thugs then attacked Garfield with foolishness. One thug swung a chain at him the other hit him with a baseball bat, but it was no use. They bounced off Garfields muscles like rubber ball on a donkey.
"WHAT?" Cried out the thugs in shocking disbelief.
"My turn miscreants." Said Garfield has he lifted one thug above his head.
"Time to make a wish." Said Garfield as he snapped the thug in two.
After the thug snapping, Garfield turned to other thug with vengeance.
"Garfield please spare my life I am poor starving man." Said the thug with begging.
"Starve on my fist." Said Garfield as he punched the thugs stomach out.
Garfield then hopped on his Custom Harley Davidson motorcycle and revved the engines to rescue the Natalie Portman.
"Ashton Kutcher I hope your heart is in good health because I am going to rip it out of your chest." Garfield said as he put his shades on and rode off for rescue.
As Garfield rode, a Tractor Trailer truck filled with lasagna drove beside him.
"Lasagna feed my body and soul. Give me strength to rescue ladies in danger." Garfield said as he looked to the truck.
Lasagna burst out of truck to feed Garfield and entered his mouth for eating, filling Garfields muscular body with power and energy.
"Thank you Lasagna you are now part of me." Garfield said with gratitude to lasagna.
In the distance Garfield spotted trouble. It was a tank filled with vile minions of Ashton Kutcher.
"Behold Garfield our beast of iron and metal. You ride ends here Garfield for we are righteous." Said the tank commander with taunts.
At villains petty taunts Garfield laughed with scoffing. He turned on his DIO beyond maximum volume and glared at foolish tank with fiery eyes.
"Rust in peace, iron beast." Garfield said to the tank as he rode right through the tank at laser speed splitting it in half.
Meanwhile in Ashton Kutchers demon lair evil was brewing in hearts of men. Ashton Kutcher was sitting on his throne dressed like wicked sultan while Natalie Portman was chained to the wall.
"Haha Natalie Portman you are mine on this midnight hour. All of your hope should be abandoned for I am your new master!" Cackled Ashton Kutcher with evil.
"No Garfield will save me for he is true hero of man." Natalie Portman said with hope.
"Hoho not even Garfields manliness can save you now. We will star in movies and makes eons of money." Declared Ashton Kutcher with maniac laughing.
"Garfield please come I need you." Natalie Portman said with longing.
Meanwhile Garfield was riding the lonely road of the hero with hair blowing through wind like wet lasagna in a fan. In the distance Garfield saw Ashton Kutchers palace of pain and evil. It was on Island surrounded by lava and crocodiles. There seemed no way but Garfield never gives up never surrenders.
"Time to do the sky bird." Garfield declared as he pulled out his lasagna glider and glided to island of Ashton Kutcher.
Garfield crashed into room full of Ashton Kutchers loyal guards who would fight in his name to the deaths, but Garfield was not afraid.
"I heard there was party so I stopped by. Do not worry I am polite guest here are some presents." Quipped Garfield a she took out his Desert Eagles and fired at guard scum.
"My goody bag will be your beating heart Ashton Kutcher!" Garfield shouted with adrenaline pumping.
Garfield searched Ashton Kutchers palace mowing down guards wherever he saw with no mercy. He then came upon doors to Ashton Kutchers throne room but it was sealed with evil power and locks. But Garfield blew it open with ease like big bad wolf blowing down straw houses.
"I am here for the Natalie Portman and for your head on stick." Garfield roared upon entering Ashton Kutchers throne room.
Inside room Garfield saw Natalie Portman chained in imprisonment and Ashton Kutcher sitting on throne.
"Haha Garfield I have been waiting for you. Not even you can be stopping me now." Ashton Kutcher cackled with evil.
"Silence you sultan of sin. Your time is ending near!" Garfield responded with angry vocals.
"Garfield I had enough of your words. Time for fiery doom! Meet the dragon!" Ashton Kutcher said as he whistled for his dragon. At Ashton Kutchers whistling a four headed dragon appeared with fire breathing and roars.
"Enjoy your just deserts!" Ashton Kutcher cackled as he fled like little girl.
"Haha Garfield! I am hoping you brought your bib because I am going to be smoking you like a ham!" Growled the evil four headed dragon.
"I have no time for dragon distraction." Fumed Garfield with frustration.
All hope seemed to be in fire but then familiar voice was heard by all.
"AMAKOOOOO."
It was Jon Arbuckle flying in on jet pack rearing for fighting!
"Do not worry I will take care of this lizard you must go after Ashton Kutcher." Said Jon Arbuckle with support.
"Thank you Jon Arbuckle you are my jet pack backup." Garfield said with gratitude.
Garfield went after Ashton Kutcher as Jon Arbuckle battled dragon with mystic blade.
"Ok dragon boy let's do this." Jon Arbuckle said as he drew his mystic katana.
Meanwhile Garfield was chasing down Ashton Kutcher with justice on mind and in fist. He finally cornered Ashton Kutcher against wall.
"You are at the end of your highway and it is time to pay the toll man." Said Garfield with eyes glaring.
"Haha Garfield it is too late. Natalie Portman soul is mine and my life will be immortal!" Ashton Kutcher declared with vile grin.
"Fool your life is short, but my fist is FOREVER." Garfield roared as he charged inner power to max and sent fists flying at Ashton Kutcher at earthquake speed making him supernova.
"NOOOO." Cried out Ashton Kutcher as he supernovad.
"Your career just exploded." Quipped Garfield with cleverness.
"Thank you Garfield you saved me again." Thanked Natalie Portman with joyful words.
"No problem honeybabes. I can not stand seeing ladies kidnapped." Garfield said as he helped Natalie Portman up.
"Good work Garfield. You saved day again." Said approaching voice. It was Jon Arbuckle! He was holding dragons heads in his hands.
"Yes Jon Arbuckle I think it is time for celebration." Said Garfield in response.
"Yes Garfield we should perform our hit new song for Natalie Portmans music enjoyment." Jon Arbuckle suggested with good ideas as he took out his electric guitar for jamming.
"Yes here is our new song "Lover and Fighter Man." From album of same name. Old people with diseases should beware of dangerous rocking." Said Garfield as he took out his mic ready for rocking.
Jon Arbuckle began powerful chords of playing while Garfield began to sing with mighty rocking voice:
"I am real man hard like steel
Always hungry for lasagna meal
Busting heads winning every fight
Need to see you naked tonight
I am a Lover and Fighter man
Not a loser and crier man
Baby, Bake me egg in a friar pan
Because I am a lover and fighter man
Every day I am punching and kicking
When I come home I want you for licking
Stupid thugs their heads I crack
But you I want to rub my back
I am a Lover and Fighter Man
Not a loser and crier man
I want to spank you until you tan
Because I am a lover and fighter man"
Jon Arbuckle then began shredding like madman with guitar solo.
"AMAKOOOOOOO." Shouted Jon Arbuckle as flames and lightning burst out of his guitar. After amazing guitar solo Garfield began to sing again:
"I am the champ in the ring
In the bedroom I am king
Bashing villains until they groan
Loving ladies until they moan
I am a lover and fighter man
Not a loser and Crier man
I will make you fly like Peter Pan
Because I am a lover and fighter man"
Natalie Portman screamed and clapped in excitement at the rocking concert. She ran to Garfield with love in her eyes.
"Garfield you are rock star stud muffin. But now I want you to play me like an electric guitar and make me wail." Natalie Portman said with desire.
"Sure thing sugarbites. I have a concert in my pants and you have first row tickets." Garfield said with flirty words.
"Let us go on stage and make music." Said Natalie Portman as she led Garfield to her bedroom.
Garfield and Natalie Portman went on her bed and embraced for love makings. They rubbed eachother with oil and perfume and touched eachother all over. Their bodies then joined like peanut butter and jelly and created delicious loving all night long.
The End..?
Authors Note: Congratulations to Natalie Portman for her pregnancies! Please beware and do not let Ashton Kutcher kidnap your babies. Also I am still single so it is still ok if you would like to date me
If for some reason Erikson is unable to continue writing I vote this guy to do a Sanderson and finish off the trilogies.
Hello, soldiers, look at your mage, now back to me, now back at your mage, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped being an unascended mortal and switched to Sole Spice, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re in a warren with the High Mage your cadre mage could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an acorn with two gates to that realm you love. Look again, the acorn is now otataral. Anything is possible when your mage smells like Sole Spice and not a Bole brother. I’m on a quorl.
#8559
MTS
- Fourth Investiture
-
- Group: Malaz Regular
- Posts: 4,334
- Joined: 02-April 07
- Location:Terra Australis
Posted 20 August 2012 - 03:51 AM
That was brilliant, I enjoyed that with laughter.
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem.
Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades.
Si hoc adfixum in obice legere potes, et liberaliter educatus et nimis propinquus ades.
#8560
Macros
- D'ivers Fuckwits
-
- Group: High House Mafia
- Posts: 9,163
- Joined: 28-January 08
- Location:Ulster, disputed zone, British Empire.
Posted 20 August 2012 - 11:29 AM
Personally I woulda finished with Liam Neeson but we all love a bit of Seagal cheese
http://www.youtube.c...1&v=bbIlLmCID5g
http://www.youtube.c...1&v=bbIlLmCID5g
2012
"Imperial Gothos, Imperial"
"Imperial Gothos, Imperial"
