[Cause]

So I am just curious? Do you want children?

I have never liked children. I don't find them amusing and I don't find them cute. I always thought it was something that I would grow into but it has yet to happen. My friends joke that when I find the right women I will change my tune very fast. I feel like for me that the right women wont want children. I truly just don't understand the urge or desire some people have for children.

I have seen people mention overpopulation, a loss of freedom, financial constraints , the state of the world etc as reasons people don't want kids. None of them is the reason in my case. I don't need a reason to not have kids. I need a reason to want to have them, I just dont.
'
Interested to here your thoughts. Do you feel the same? Did you used to but changed your mind?

This post has been edited by Cause: 25 July 2016 - 10:04 AM

[worry]

My answer is No.

You can/should make this a poll btw!

[amphibian]

Yes. Two would be good.

I come from a very large family (40+ first cousins) and spent much of my teen summers cousin-sitting or as a summer camp counselor. I am not quite at the stage where I can pick out why a baby cries by ear alone, but I consider taking care of kids and teaching them things a fun part of my past, present, and future.

I think disliking kids is not a great state of mind to be in. It's ok to me to not want your own children, but to actively dislike a child for being a child is to dislike someone for something they can't control and are slowly, but surely addressing. Furthermore, most kids pick up and give back what vibes and attitudes you put out to them and their parents will certainly notice how you are with their kids and file that away.

[Dolmen 2.0]

Yes and I have one but im trying to treat this as a "before I had a kid" question.

I think I caught on to a few things early. A child was, in my mind, a mix of the best and worst of you and (if it all goes well) the best and worst of your dearly loved partner. i liked that. I like the idea that I get to meet this person that grows to be a lil bit of me, a lil of my wife and with that a new sense self comes through.

I also feel my parents did good by me, I've always wanted to pay that forward. Children are born every minute to not-ideal family situations. I felt it important to make sure I passed on the best of me through how I got to raise my kids.

I've always liked kids, I like family. I feel my dad did a ton better than his dad to provide for me, his dad did alot too. I feel that much invested into family means something and having kids contributes to it.

[Binder of Demons]

I have to pretty much agree with you on this one Cause. I find being around children a struggle a lot of the time. But then again, I find being around a lot of "adults" a struggle too.

On the one hand, while I do feel that there is something of a drive to want to continue the family lineage, I think it is something i think of more in abstract now.

I do wonder though, if faced with the news that I was having a kid, would my attitude change. I think it would. I have seen enough guys with the apparent emotional range of a turnip, become doting fathers, so who knows?

[Macros]

I read that title as in, do you want kids? I have some to give away if you want children.

[Andorion]

No I don't. This is something my SO and I have discussed and we have come to the same conclusions.

We are barely capable of taking care of each other adequately, let alone a new vulnerable human being.

The world, or at least the part of it we live in is not really conducive to new life in out opinion.

We do not believe that the life of a couple should revolve solely around children.

Family lineage is not an issue as both of us have siblings.

Thing is, I rather like kids. But I really really doubt my ability to take care of and raise one 24/7.

[worry]

Oh, well if we're gonna count the ones we don't know about...

[Mentalist]

On a philosophical level: yeah, probably. I am an only child, there's a lineage thing, there's a cultural aspect, and I generally get along all right with children, and I like to think I have reasonably good tolerance for pretty much any type of social interaction, due to my educational background.

On the other (practical) hand, I hardly feel mature enough to engage in a serious relationship with another adult, let alone take on basically full (albeit shared) responsibility for another completely helpless human being. The fact that my father continuously drops not-quite-oblique hints that he's totally ready to be a grandfather and I need to get on the whole relationship thing isn't really encouraging me either.

[EmperorMagus]

1. I don't like or dislike kids, but I don't think I will ever want an infant. I have always liked the idea of raising a kid the way I think children should be raised, but that's practically all the appeal children have for me.

2. This is a controversial idea, whenever I have expressed it before I have been met with anger. I want to express that what I'm about to say is not meant insult current parents in anyway or imply that children should somehow be banned.

I find the fact that people think it is ethical to bring children into this world simply bewildering. Personally, I believe that having children when we really don't know if there is any chance the child will have the possibility of a fulfilling life is completely wrong. I really don't want to force anyone to live in the world that us and our parents have left them. And I don't think I have the right to force anyone to live in that world.

This post has been edited by EmperorMagus: 25 July 2016 - 04:05 AM

[TheRetiredBridgeburner]

No, absolutely not. I can interact and have patience with kids fine, but I've no desire to have my own and generally I'm happy for the downtime once I don't have to interact with them anymore. I don't find them overly endearing. I was never one of those women who starts cooing as soon as there's a baby around.

I agree with what Cause said - you should have a reason for wanting to have children, but the expectation seems to be the other way round and people demand to know what's wrong with you if you don't want them.

[Aptorian]

The only reason I would get a kid would be to ensure that my amazing genes were passed on to future generations.

Strictly speaking it's my job as a citizen of glorious Denmark to produce 2,7 kids for our work force but I really can't be bothered.

[Coltaine -]

Yes. Once I find the right girl.

I always liked children. Never really thougt about getting no children by choice. My familie is a big one. I have a lot of uncles, aunts, cousins and three sisters. We have a strong connection and support each other a lot. With their support I don't think that raising a child would be an impossible task. And it would be sad to not pass on what I have learned from my parents and my grandparents. And if nobody is going to hear all the funny stories about our family.

Also I got told that I'm good with children. Spend several birthdays/weddings/etc. playing with the kids. It is not the same like taking care of a child 24/7, but basically nobody has experience with that until they got their first one.

This post has been edited by - Coltaine -: 25 July 2016 - 02:34 PM

[Traveller]

I'll just say that I didn't. I was adamant, mind made up.

The thing is, other people's children are really, really off putting.

When I got married I started having this image of a little girl in mind, one that was mine. My wife was also anti kids at that time. I waited, and after about five years she suddenly, out of the blue, started thinking along the same lines - these kids are pretty obnoxious, but what would one of ours look like?

You can be adamant, dead set, but never say never.

(Also, morons seem to breed like rabbits. Bring some balance to the force! )

This post has been edited by Traveller: 25 July 2016 - 05:52 AM

[EmperorMagus]

Traveller, on 25 July 2016 - 05:50 AM, said:

I'll just say that I didn't. I was adamant, mind made up.

The thing is, other people's children are really, really off putting.

When I got married I started having this image of a little girl in mind, one that was mine. My wife was also anti kids at that time. I waited, and after about five years she suddenly, out of the blue, started thinking along the same lines - these kids are pretty obnoxious, but what would one of ours look like?

You can be adamant, dead set, but never say never.

(Also, morons seem to breed like rabbits. Bring some balance to the force! )

The highlighted is so true, and I can't help but blame the parents for that.

It's not hard to have a child that doesn't scream all the time, seriously.

[nacht]

Despite our claims to being logical beings, we are really emotional people and a product of nature.
Children tug on these emotions every day mostly in a good manner, though there will be intense (and mostly short) periods of negative emotions.
There is no way to explain this. You simply have to feel it in moments like when your newborn daughter tugs your finger or your daughter smiles at you.

It would seem some people would prefer to think themselves out of life ....

[Aptorian]

nacht, on 25 July 2016 - 06:36 AM, said:

There is no way to explain this. You simply have to feel it in moments like when your newborn daughter tugs your finger or your daughter smiles at you.

It would seem some people would prefer to think themselves out of life ....

Nonsense. It's just chemistry. Chemical bonds in your brain, form pathways that imprint certain strong emotional attachments to a loved one, a child or maybe a sports team. A biological evolutionary reaction that helps animals to instinctual strive to assure they will mate, pass on DNA and multiply.

Love is a chemical change that that makes people imbalanced and irrational.

There. I just explained it as cynically as I can.

Life, love, relationships and parenting, beyond biology, is just a psychological and social construct. One we adhere to because the culture we live in tells us that is what you do. Everyone else is doing it, so to fit in you get a life partner and your make babies. Else you risk being ostracized from your circle of friends and your parents will pick on you at every family gathering.

Life is what you make of it. Not choosing to have children gives people more freedom to live like they want. Life is meaningless, eventually Earth will be swallowed by the sun, when you die there is nothing else.

Enjoy.

EDIT: Added more cynicism.

This post has been edited by Apt: 25 July 2016 - 07:21 AM

[amphibian]

Sexy Gumbo, on 25 July 2016 - 05:03 AM, said:

on the whole the Earth was more at peace then today's shittyness. There's still greatness in humans but more and more are going doom n gloom/Jihad etc instead. I worry daily what kinda world my kids and when it comes grandkids will have. Hopefully a peaceful one.

This is demonstrably untrue. We live in a safer world now than any time since... the beginning of humanity itself. Crime levels have plummeted in the last 40 years in the US alone and the Americans have more crime than many other comparably wealthy nations.

What has changed is that 1) the ability to hurt/murder more people per violent action has gone up, 2) there is now 24/7 media coverage that faster identifies and hypes up stories, 3) there is less crime happening so that individual crimes can be focused on instead of drowning in an onslaught of cases.

[Andorion]

nacht, on 25 July 2016 - 06:36 AM, said:

Despite our claims to being logical beings, we are really emotional people and a product of nature.
Children tug on these emotions every day mostly in a good manner, though there will be intense (and mostly short) periods of negative emotions.
There is no way to explain this. You simply have to feel it in moments like when your newborn daughter tugs your finger or your daughter smiles at you.

It would seem some people would prefer to think themselves out of life ....

Its not really that simple an issue though. Bringing a child into this world just because it makes me happy is an incredibly selfish decision

Having a child is not like buying a car or even getting a pet. You literally create a new sentient life form with its own needs, desires goals etc., but one which is entirely helpless, vulnerable and dependent. Having a child when I am not confident of my ability to care for it and give it the upbringing it deserves, bringing it into a world, which all political BS aside is heading towards environmental chaos is simply not something I can do in good conscience. Simply giving into reproductive urges in this context is essentially denying your own humanity.

[Traveller]

That doesn't really make much sense though - so having 'humanity' means no reproduction/evolution because everyone with a conscience decides not to breed?

People aren't going to stop eating meat because some prefer to be vegetarian - and the world's population isn't going to stop increasing because a few conscientious people decide not to have children. The question is, do you want your gene pool to be part of the future?

This planet is the only one we know of with life on it - and your ancestors are the ones that survived - the Ice Age, migrations, wars, plagues, all sorts of shit that they struggled through when millions didn't - that has resulted in your particular makeup. I think to decide not to carry that on, and call it a 'simple urge to reproduce' because you worry about present and future stability is bizarre.


That said, I know for a fact that if I didn't have kids we'd be living a fine life; more holidays, more time together (I hardly see my wife at the moment due to work/childcare arrangements) and we'd be more healthy - kids take your time, test your patience to its limit, eat all your food, don't let you rest, and add about ten years onto you in just a few years of their existence. And that's without the crap they bring home from nursery.

This post has been edited by Traveller: 25 July 2016 - 08:39 AM