[Lady Bliss]

So I was always one of those kids that wondered about the bathrooms on the Enterprise. Surely humans haven't evolved beyond needing to pee right?!

As I've read the Malazan novels, certain questions occur to me from time to time. Perhaps one of you can explain how they handle these mundane needs, or you have some questions of your own...

1) Do Malazan women shave their legs? What about a bikini wax? If I was marching across a continent, I would feel pretty grubby if I couldn't shave my legs every once in a while, and without some personal grooming there would have to be some SERIOUS wolf monkey action if ya know what I mean... (look it up in the urban dictionary if you don't)

2) Oral hygiene - I don't recall any mention of anyone brushing their teeth. I like to picture a healthy smile, not some foul smelling snaggletoothed orifice.

3) Venereal disease - The characters of the Malazan books seem to lead lives reminiscent of the free loving 70s. I'm surprised no one has caught anything, nor have I noticed any mention of a burning feeling while urinating.

4) Laundry - From what I've read, it seems that the average Malazan has one set of clothes that they wear until they disintegrate.

That's all I've got for now...

[D'rek]

I would think that the soldiers marching in an army have support wagons with washing equipment and the squads are in a rotation so every few weeks they get to use the wash-tents to get cleaned up on an evening. Soldiers stationed in cities like Aren or even Pale probably have better access to hygiene facilities with their barracks or whatever civilian part of the city they've taken over and quartered in. Non-military folk who aren't impoverished I would think have good access to hygiene facilities, either in their home or baths in the neighbourhood depending on their wealth and the culture.

Similarly for laundry, I imagine soldiers don't have a lot of changes of clothes because they are so mobile. Those on long-term garrison duty might have a couple changes of uniform and regular clothes for when they are off-duty but not much. Those who are on a quest are probably about the same, ie: Toc certainly didn't have any time to pack a change of clothes, but Samar Dev might have a few extra garments stashed in her saddlebags. Those who aren't in the military or on a sprawling quest probably have plenty of changes of clothes, again if they are not impoverished.

Venereal diseases... actually I think there are a couple references to this. Didn't Nep Furrow threaten/try to curse Captain Kindly with genital warts in RG?

[Use Of Weapons]

They have some concept of oral hygiene, as evidenced by Noto Boil, but it doesn't seem to be terribly advanced. They don't seem to have any concept of the germ theory of disease, which would be a precursor to a proper understanding.

[Aptorian]

BlissFulnite, on 20 January 2012 - 05:17 PM, said:

1) Do Malazan women shave their legs? What about a bikini wax? If I was marching across a continent, I would feel pretty grubby if I couldn't shave my legs every once in a while, and without some personal grooming there would have to be some SERIOUS wolf monkey action if ya know what I mean... (look it up in the urban dictionary if you don't)

I am pretty sure that there is a mention or two of the female heavies being quite hairy.

How ever there are plenty of tools found in archaeological excavations that date back as far as stone age that implies that people used tools for hair removal. Refined shaving utensils have been found in digs from the Mesopotamian and Egyptian civilizations that look not unlike current straight razors. If no tools were available a hair can still be plucked.

I am quite sure that with Eriksons background, he didn't even stop to wonder about this subject. The Malazan women are like "earth women" they come from a hundred different cultures. Some are going to be as hairy as a lumberjack, some are going to be as smooth and soft as the godesss Sarah J Parker. Most of them I bet shave their legs though, simply because they have well established beauty ideals we can identify with.

BlissFulnite, on 20 January 2012 - 05:17 PM, said:

2) Oral hygiene - I don't recall any mention of anyone brushing their teeth. I like to picture a healthy smile, not some foul smelling snaggletoothed orifice.

Contrary to what Colgate and your 500 dollars and hour dentist wants you to believe your mouth is not going to turn into a cesspool of decay if you don't brush your teeth. Your mouth is quite capable of keeping itself clean and hygienic via the saliva your produce. How do you think a monkey lives for 70 years with out its teeth falling out? Teeth are not supposed to look white either. They turn yellow from age, stains and wear. The problem arises when you start introducing food and drink that acidic or sugary. Like say wine or beer.

So the question is one of diet, nutrition and culture. Does watered down wine and beer rot your teeth? I bet it's not that bad. So I think a soldiers teeth probably aren't as bad one could fear, but I doubt Fiddler has a pretty smile. Another character like Karsa or Kyle who come from primitive tribes probably have pretty healthy, if yellowish teeth.

I wonder how many people have crooked teeth? I've never needed braces but a lot of people do. Also your wisdom teeth can push your teeth out of place. I bet a lot of people back then looked goofy when they smiled wide.

BlissFulnite, on 20 January 2012 - 05:17 PM, said:

3) Venereal disease - The characters of the Malazan books seem to lead lives reminiscent of the free loving 70s. I'm surprised no one has caught anything, nor have I noticed any mention of a burning feeling while urinating.

Bottle is approached at one point and asked about some herbs or a chemical connected with sex. I think it is smiles who wants to get into the pants of that gay tribal prince. That was for an aphrodisiac (which was actually a poison if I recall correctly) I am sure that people know of other stuff, mundane or magical, that prevents pregnancy and STDs.

Historically our civilizations have known about herbs that prevented or killed a pregnancy. I may be missremembering here but I believe that Roman women had a herb that was a VERY good contraception. Unfortunately it was so popular that it was actually used up and went extinct. At least nobody knows what plant they were using today. Or maybe that is a historical wives tale.

EDIT: I just reread your question and realised you're talking about STDs. Hmmm. No idea. But it's a fantasy setting I am sure there is a Jaghut spice or something that kills STDs. Maybe an Otooloo that eats them.

[Lady Bliss]

D'rek, support wagons for washing are a great idea. I wonder if soldiers would barter for extra time... Given the fact that I now remember that whores, debutantes and sorceresses wear makeup, I wonder if a cosmetic counter is included in the supply train...

Apt, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that depilatory solutions and shaving have been found in archeological sites. This goes to show that my vanity is a product of hundreds of years of evolution. My concern was more of an opportunity and social question. I pictured the common soldier shaving his face, but couldn't get my mind around a female soldier getting a chance to strip down and shave her legs.

I LOVE the idea of an Otooloo that eats stds!!! That made me lol...

[HiddenOne]

BlissFulnite, on 20 January 2012 - 07:17 PM, said:

D'rek, support wagons for washing are a great idea. I wonder if soldiers would barter for extra time... Given the fact that I now remember that whores, debutantes and sorceresses wear makeup, I wonder if a cosmetic counter is included in the supply train...

Apt, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that depilatory solutions and shaving have been found in archeological sites. This goes to show that my vanity is a product of hundreds of years of evolution. My concern was more of an opportunity and social question. I pictured the common soldier shaving his face, but couldn't get my mind around a female soldier getting a chance to strip down and shave her legs.

I LOVE the idea of an Otooloo that eats stds!!! That made me lol...

Now pity the startving sapper who would be forced to kill and eat that otooloo...Cook it well, mate, ere you die!

[Kruppe's snacky cakes]

Is everyone forgetting about the Day Spa Warren? Specializing in wolf monkey removal and oral orifice cleansifying since the 849th Year of Burn's Sleep. Here's Sorry getting her eyebrows massaged:


 Spa_1___3_.jpg (12.08K)
Number of downloads: 0


Now serving Hounds of Shadow:


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Number of downloads: 0

[Shiara]

What about menstrual bleeding? It would be really annoying as a soldier to have to deal with that once a month.

[worry]

That's where Ormulogun gets the base for his paints.

[WhiskeyJackDaniels]

Shiara, on 24 January 2012 - 01:28 AM, said:

What about menstrual bleeding? It would be really annoying as a soldier to have to deal with that once a month.

As a man I can only speculate that would be really annoying for ANYONE to have to deal with once a month.

[Otataral Toblakai]

Your questions have shattered countless fantasies... Curse you!

Still, i'd like to think on the positive side of it all and assume everything you ask is done and is a given.

Oh, Lady Envy bathes regularly and her hygienic ways are a strong component of whenever/wherever she appears.

[James Hetfield]

Cap'n Kindly uses combs. Well, maybe not uses, but collects.

Combs indicate at least a mild amount of basic hygiene.


The two marines that follow Silverfox apparently are afraid to bathe thinking that their clothes would fall apart. Not a good sign. Of course, they played for the other team.

[Kanese S's]

As said earlier, I think it depends on culture. Not every culture has the same customs regarding things like depilation (either male or female... note how many of the dudes are wandering around with beards, too). So some are probably smooth as... something really smooth... while others don't give their legs a second thought. Silverfox's two marine escorts.... I'm thinking they probably don't. As for "wolf monkey" action... we've had this conversation. It's not automatically unclean even if there's no depilation going on.

Oral hygiene... again, different cultures have had different methods for this. Most more primitive than our modern ways, but then again, I'm assuming that in the Malaz world, they'd also be eating less processed food, and probably quite a bit less sugar. Also, one method people have used for a long time is chewing things (gum is a modern form) to get the saliva flowing, as this does have a cleaning effect.

STD's... I'm pretty sure these probably account for the vast majority of a denul healer's work, except when a battle or riot has just taken place. As for pregnancy, I assume they have some herb. Or, like many ancient societies, they don't place particular importance on either fetuses (fetii?) or newborns.

[The Swordbearer]

Prob quite a few lesser talent hedge wizard/witches of Denul around.
One would hope so anyhow, dont think Ruse would do much good other than to make you think all was well

[Kanese S's]

This is probably a routine scene:

"I've been told you're a denul healer who can cure me?"

"Maybe, what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, it's... um... well... you know... in the nether bits.... I think I've caught something..."

"...."

"Do you think you could heal me? And maybe keep quiet about me being here?"

*Sigh* "All right, let's see it then."

[The Swordbearer]

Eeeew... Nothing I can do for that...Hmmmm.
Maybe you should go see this dude er Y know Bruude or Brode... Oh ya Brood!. Y know he's a Warlord or summat.

Anyhoo... High Denul allso. Y Know

"Ew" thats a little much for my.. er talent...mmm maybe Y should like step back a little

Jus a sugestion. Ahh oh... Ya dont touch anybody... these Malazans a little touchy Y know.They catch a look of that an...Well they might ...Lemme say toss a clay egg thingy at ya... Very bad that... Would fix the prob tho... at least as far as they are cocerned anyhow.